I believe that after 13 years of marriage, I can start to understand the relationships that some older couples have. I have listened to older couples for years speak about how they love their spouse more than ever. I think I always wanted that for us, but I didn't really believe I would achieve it.
Stay with me on this. It is a lengthy one but I believe it will help.
The running joke with us was that I was never wrong. Even when there was a chance I was wrong, I would change my mind or opinion so that I was right. This joke was actually not funny. Even though I may have been right in some cases, my pride would well up so big that we would have a huge fight.
"Let not the sun go down upon your wrath". Yeah right! That was easier said than done. But very recently I learned something. I saw a comedian do a skit called "Men's brains vs women's brains" (Watch it. its quite funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMZ73mT5zM). The idea of it we can all relate to. The skit illustrates how men and women argue. He says men's brains have little boxes and take out only the specific box that relates to that argument. Women's brains are a ball of wire and everything is connected. Definitely take the time to watch it.
Anyway, I think there is a reason why everything is connected when the big fights come up. That reason goes back to the fact that it was never resolved the first time. I find that as my wife and I argue more rationally now, not only do we not have the big fights. We don't fight about stuff that has happened 2 years, 3 months, and 21 days ago. See there was a problem with me. Hear what I'm not saying. I believe everyone of us (man or woman) has a responsibility to fix ourselves. To do what is right not for ourselves alone, but for our spouses. Don't compromise standards or morality; but most big fights are not about that.
So what is "The Dare"? Set up guidelines for yourself today that you will hold to in any argument. You may not need them today, but you will need them. The first rule should probably be... Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. The last should be don't go to bed angry. You fill in the rest. If you are in a good place with your spouse then discuss these with them. Most importantly live by them and understand that this is for you.
Stay with me on this. It is a lengthy one but I believe it will help.
The running joke with us was that I was never wrong. Even when there was a chance I was wrong, I would change my mind or opinion so that I was right. This joke was actually not funny. Even though I may have been right in some cases, my pride would well up so big that we would have a huge fight.
"Let not the sun go down upon your wrath". Yeah right! That was easier said than done. But very recently I learned something. I saw a comedian do a skit called "Men's brains vs women's brains" (Watch it. its quite funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMZ73mT5zM). The idea of it we can all relate to. The skit illustrates how men and women argue. He says men's brains have little boxes and take out only the specific box that relates to that argument. Women's brains are a ball of wire and everything is connected. Definitely take the time to watch it.
Anyway, I think there is a reason why everything is connected when the big fights come up. That reason goes back to the fact that it was never resolved the first time. I find that as my wife and I argue more rationally now, not only do we not have the big fights. We don't fight about stuff that has happened 2 years, 3 months, and 21 days ago. See there was a problem with me. Hear what I'm not saying. I believe everyone of us (man or woman) has a responsibility to fix ourselves. To do what is right not for ourselves alone, but for our spouses. Don't compromise standards or morality; but most big fights are not about that.
So what is "The Dare"? Set up guidelines for yourself today that you will hold to in any argument. You may not need them today, but you will need them. The first rule should probably be... Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. The last should be don't go to bed angry. You fill in the rest. If you are in a good place with your spouse then discuss these with them. Most importantly live by them and understand that this is for you.
that's a great post... now I need to dare myself to write so honestly. I don't like people reading my thoughts so it's hard for me... even though I WOULD consider myself a writer. Ah... the limitations we put on ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWell anyway, I enjoyed reading.
Hey, finally found your blog. :)
ReplyDeleteI will take this advice as I enter married life!:)