This blog is really not all about marriage; however it is one of the biggest life changing decisions that we could make. I believe a strong marriage is the building blocks to help shape and mold us, our kids, our communities and our country.
I view marriage as having 3 basic parts: like, romance, and love. All 3 of these can be happening at once or none at all. I think many people have a skewed and unrealistic view of marriage. We confuse love for our feeling and romance. But love is not a feeling (although it does involve plenty of them), it’s a commitment. Because we often associate love with our likes, many marriages fail. Love is so much more... Love is what carries our relationships forward when we have had the big blow up fight and don't like our spouse at that moment.
My wife often will ask why I love her and I would say typical guy things such as she is a good mom, caring, she takes care of my needs and many times my wants, and she is pretty. All those things are tangible and they can change. What happens if she couldn't do those things anymore? Do I stop loving her? See all of those things that I liked about her when we were dating caused me to want to commit to her and now I love her. If those things that I like about her fade, I will still love her. Its that thing that causes a parent to love there kid even when they make wrong choices, even choice that hurt them.
Its call unconditional love.
I heard the same illustration twice recently from two unrelated sources. The husband and wife were likened to your hands. They look similar. One is probably stronger than the other, but you need them both. When one hand hurts, the other compensates. You can function with one hand but you were designed to function with 2. You would be foolish if you stopped using one hand because you considered it inferior or when one hand was hurt you cut it off. Well when you base your marriage on feelings, on likes or dislikes, or on romance; you will probably stop using it or cut it off. I recently read the love should guide your feeling not the other way around.
There truely are volumes that can be written here, however this is a blog, not a novel.
So... The Dare. This might be easy. Is there something your spouse enjoys that you don't? Show your love by caring about the things they care about.
I view marriage as having 3 basic parts: like, romance, and love. All 3 of these can be happening at once or none at all. I think many people have a skewed and unrealistic view of marriage. We confuse love for our feeling and romance. But love is not a feeling (although it does involve plenty of them), it’s a commitment. Because we often associate love with our likes, many marriages fail. Love is so much more... Love is what carries our relationships forward when we have had the big blow up fight and don't like our spouse at that moment.
My wife often will ask why I love her and I would say typical guy things such as she is a good mom, caring, she takes care of my needs and many times my wants, and she is pretty. All those things are tangible and they can change. What happens if she couldn't do those things anymore? Do I stop loving her? See all of those things that I liked about her when we were dating caused me to want to commit to her and now I love her. If those things that I like about her fade, I will still love her. Its that thing that causes a parent to love there kid even when they make wrong choices, even choice that hurt them.
Its call unconditional love.
I heard the same illustration twice recently from two unrelated sources. The husband and wife were likened to your hands. They look similar. One is probably stronger than the other, but you need them both. When one hand hurts, the other compensates. You can function with one hand but you were designed to function with 2. You would be foolish if you stopped using one hand because you considered it inferior or when one hand was hurt you cut it off. Well when you base your marriage on feelings, on likes or dislikes, or on romance; you will probably stop using it or cut it off. I recently read the love should guide your feeling not the other way around.
There truely are volumes that can be written here, however this is a blog, not a novel.
So... The Dare. This might be easy. Is there something your spouse enjoys that you don't? Show your love by caring about the things they care about.
Good points. I read the book Reforming Marraige a LONG time before I got married... but it really shaped the way I think about marraige and helped remove some of the "unrealistic" ideas people commonly hold. I think that's one reason why, for me, the first 4 years of marraige for me have NOT been the "trial by fire" some couples seem to experience. I recommend the book. I have it if anyone I know wants to borrow it... just ask! :) (hmm, it might be in the church lending library - I forget...)
ReplyDelete